More Milestones with Miri
When I first started thinking about what it would be like to be a professional wedding officiant, I knew I wanted a name for my business. Something snappy and memorable and fun. Discussing this with some beloved friends, one immediately suggested “Marriages by Miri” - it was alliterative and to the point, and I loved the use of one of my many nicknames. I must have inherently known then that I wouldn’t just want to officiate weddings. So I responded, “How about Milestones instead?” Even more alliterative and the added benefit of other offerings! I figured, there are other moments in life that could use someone like me to create ceremonies! So why not allow my business name to represent that?
Certainly, weddings are what kicked off this business of mine. And since I started officiating weddings professionally, I couldn’t help but notice that people aren’t necessarily always getting married. I hadn’t considered it before but, like many aspects of life, weddings have seasons. Wedding season itself is arguably from May through October - long holiday weekends, school breaks, glorious weather. And then there’s what I now know to be engagement season, from November to April - big family get-togethers, New Yorks Eve, Valentines Day, you get the picture. So what is a wedding officiant to do when people aren’t getting married every weekend?
Sometime in the early 2010’s, I discovered YouTube. Not the website itself, but the fact that people were creating some wild and interesting videos and posting them for anyone to enjoy for free. I don’t know exactly how or when I found her, but that was around the time I stumbled upon Caitlin Doughty, aka “Ask a Mortician.” And in one of her many delightfully educational videos, she introduced Alua Arthur, a death doula. I already knew the word doula - someone who supports a person through the process of giving birth. I knew it wasn’t a medical role, but rather someone to be an advocate for the person giving birth and not just focused on the baby being born. So the concept of a death doula intrigued me. And sometime in the last few years, I remembered Alua and wondered, “How did she become a death doula?” Luckily for me, she published a memoir at the end of last year, briefly perfectly human. And reading her story - which I cannot recommend more highly - was wildly inspirational. I began to see death for what it truly is: the one thing we all truly have in common. Not everyone will get married. Not everyone will have children. But we all will die. And, if possible, we all deserve to have our voices heard surrounding our deaths.
So, this past spring, I completed the Going with Grace End of Life Training. Over the course of twelve weeks, I was given tools and resources to become a death doula. Alongside a lovely cohort of folks from around the world, we met on Zoom weekly to discuss topics ranging from natural death care to the funeral industry to facing our own mortality. It was eye opening and exciting and meaningful, and I’m grateful to have been a part of this particular group.
So, what does this mean for Milestones by Miri?
To be perfectly honest, I’m still figuring it out! During the course, we were encouraged to volunteer locally, whether at a hospice or by hosting Death Cafes or something else related to end of life work. And so, I completed training at a local hospice! I’m hoping this volunteer work will steer me in the direction of future offerings, as well as give me first hand experience with actively dying people and their loved ones. Here’s what I think I’d like to do: craft funeral ceremonies, create or curate end of life rituals, and guide people to a place where they no longer need to fear death, but accept it as the aspect of humanity that it truly is. I’m still figuring out the business aspect of all of this. Like officiating weddings, in a perfect, non-capitalist society these services would be free and readily available to anybody. And also, the people who do this sort of work which requires the use of time and energy (and tons of it) deserve to be compensated appropriately. Thanks to my hospice volunteering, I’ve found some local death doulas and we are working to create a collective of end of life professionals and services - more on that to come soon. With their support and Going with Grace’s guidance, I’m excited to be growing in my experiences and offerings. And as the seasons turn, I’ve got much to do and a lot to look forward to. For now, it’s wedding season, y’all!
